Are You Being Served?

I am completely grateful for each person in my life. I believe that each of you serves a purpose....each of you has been guided so that our paths would cross. Life is funny like that.

But I also have to admit that I am at least a tiny bit grateful for the relationships that have ended. Grateful in some cases that they are no more. But grateful also of what I received from them. My ability to feel at least a little cute in glasses or when my hair is a mess comes from one. My children from another. The ability to ask questions when I don't understand comes from a former boss. The knowledge that "pushing up the twins" may get me a little further in the door than starting out appearing as a confident, assertive businesswoman comes from a co-worker. And laughing til I pee from all those friends I don't talk to anymore for whatever reason.

I wouldn't be the same, wouldn't experience life the same, without all these gifts. All relationships serve a purpose. If they don't, there's no point. My grandma used to watch this show late nights on PBS. It was called "Are You Being Served". I never really understood the humor, but it is what came to mind as I was thinking about relationships....Am I being served? Absolutely. How about you?

The Truth

So, you might have noticed that Lilly has been MIA for a couple weeks...a few of you asked about it. I blew off the questions mostly, I’ve been busy planning some other things and preparing for some things and just hadn’t concentrated on it. Well, the bottom line is, I was lying to myself and to those people that asked.

Don’t get me wrong. I was super busy and pretty overwhelmed. I was being pulled several ways and just plain ran out of daylight every day before I got everything on my list for the day done. In a way, it was more of an excuse than a lie, but, the issue wasn’t about time. I knew it was about me. So, I took some time and did some searching within myself. And I believe I have arrived at the truth.

The truth is, writing in general, but even more so on this blog in front of everyone else, is something very therapeutic for me. It makes me feel good. It makes me happy. It brings me a level of peace that I can’t explain. I want to do it. And I could sit on my bed Indian style and do it all damn day….just let it all flow out, every topic, every thought, every whim explored in text. So why wasn’t I able to post even just once a week?

The deeper truth is that I wasn’t doing it because it made me happy. I wanted to do it, so I wasn’t doing it. Epic fail….I know.

Do you know why I wasn’t doing it? I have had ideas every day. I have thought about doing it every day. But I always found some way to make it less important that whatever else I was doing because my happiness is somehow less important than organizing Girl Scout cookie sales or laundry or you name it and I’ll guarantee I can find a way to make it more important than me.

My happiness, my peace, my general contentment with life is not as important as laundry. The value I put on myself and my well being is so low that I will clean my bathroom sink with an old toothbrush before I’ll do something I enjoy, even though I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it helps me in more ways than I have discovered so far. There’s the real issue...I don’t value myself enough to invest in me. But I want to make me happy. I need to be happy. And I will.

A "Sparkling" Idea

I was having a conversation via email with a friend the other day. She had forwarded something rather inspiring. For those of you who don’t know me personally, you may not know that my mind has a habit of rearranging things and making associations that are, well, at best unique, and occasionally absurd.

That particular day, inspire led my mind to transpire….and perspire. (Gross, especially since girls don’t sweat, we sparkle.) So, since that day, these three words have been replaying in my mind: inspire, transpire, and perspire.

I tried in fleeting moments of quiet and thought to make the association. No such luck. Until I noticed a quote that the absolutely lovely Andrea Maurer shared this.....

"We should be taught not to wait for inspiration to start a thing. Action always generates inspiration. Inspiration seldom generates action." - Frank Tibolt

There was my light bulb! When you want change to transpire, be prepared to perspire (or sparkle for us girls) a little first. Then, and only then, will you be inspired.

Stop planning it. Start doing it....let the world see your "sparkle."