So, you might have noticed that Lilly has been MIA for a couple weeks...a few of you asked about it. I blew off the questions mostly, I’ve been busy planning some other things and preparing for some things and just hadn’t concentrated on it. Well, the bottom line is, I was lying to myself and to those people that asked.
Don’t get me wrong. I was super busy and pretty overwhelmed. I was being pulled several ways and just plain ran out of daylight every day before I got everything on my list for the day done. In a way, it was more of an excuse than a lie, but, the issue wasn’t about time. I knew it was about me. So, I took some time and did some searching within myself. And I believe I have arrived at the truth.
The truth is, writing in general, but even more so on this blog in front of everyone else, is something very therapeutic for me. It makes me feel good. It makes me happy. It brings me a level of peace that I can’t explain. I want to do it. And I could sit on my bed Indian style and do it all damn day….just let it all flow out, every topic, every thought, every whim explored in text. So why wasn’t I able to post even just once a week?
The deeper truth is that I wasn’t doing it because it made me happy. I wanted to do it, so I wasn’t doing it. Epic fail….I know.
Do you know why I wasn’t doing it? I have had ideas every day. I have thought about doing it every day. But I always found some way to make it less important that whatever else I was doing because my happiness is somehow less important than organizing Girl Scout cookie sales or laundry or you name it and I’ll guarantee I can find a way to make it more important than me.
My happiness, my peace, my general contentment with life is not as important as laundry. The value I put on myself and my well being is so low that I will clean my bathroom sink with an old toothbrush before I’ll do something I enjoy, even though I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it helps me in more ways than I have discovered so far. There’s the real issue...I don’t value myself enough to invest in me. But I want to make me happy. I need to be happy. And I will.
It's so good to hear that you've had an epifant of sots. Self exploration is always a worthwhile venture.
ReplyDeleteWell done, my friend! What's that old saying I like so much? Oh yeah... "The truth will set you free but you have to be willing to look it in the eye." Sounds like you did just that! Congratulations!
ReplyDeleteIt's good to have you back. You are much missed when you’re not around. It's easy to put EVERYTHING else first because it’s what you've been taught to do; but the truth is.....if Mama ain't happy, not body is happy. Let yourself be happy, at which point the light will come pouring in!!!
ReplyDeleteIt's good to have you back. You are much missed when you’re not around. It's easy to put EVERYTHING else first because it’s what you've been taught to do; but the truth is.....if Mama ain't happy, not body is happy. Let yourself be happy, at which point the light will come pouring in!!!
ReplyDelete